I'm A Hypochondriac- With The Wrong Placebos!
71
It was always this way,
Even in the womb!
It was hot and clammy,
And hardly any room!
You might think I’m silly,
But I’m losing my sense of smell.
I don’t think that I’m getting better,
As for as I can tell.
I find it hard to breathe,
Out of one side of my nose!
I’ll try to keep this short,
There’s simply too much to disclose!
I’ve been weak for about a week.
My future’s looking bleak!
I can no longer make a fist!
Is it the cyst that’s on my wrist?
Of course there’s another,
Right here on my knee.
My eyes are going bad,
And I can hardly see!
I can’t keep taking risks!
I have several bulging discs.
I have arthritis from head to toe.
And I’m getting really slow.
I’m stuck in my rut.
I have a swollen nut.
And a stitch in my gut,
And hemorrhoids up my butt.
Yes, I’m in quite a conundrum,
With swelling in my thumb!
Along with my swollen “plum”,
I have a hernia in my scrotum.
I’ve been in wreck after wreck!
Yes, I’m getting older,
I have pain in my neck,
My upper back, and shoulders!
There is so much I could address!
“Accidents” have taken me down a peg.
So I have pain and numbness,
Through my hips, and down my leg.
So how can in hell I get well?
With all that’s wrong with me.
I have enough pain for a fair the well!
I even see fire when I pee!
My chiropractor is a quack.
He loves to whack and crack!
Pain runs through my lower back !
If there’s pain to have, I have a knack.
Surely, I must have erred,
I’m getting a little scared!
This physician that I chose.
He’s giving me the wrong placebos!
My hernia is a misery,
And will soon require some surgery.
I haven’t slept for insomnia!
I’m sure it’s due to my hypochondria!
You’d think this would be enough.
You think I’d get some slack.
But now I have some dandruff,
And they say I’m a hypochondriac!
Now how in the hell,
Can I get well?
Heaven only knows!
Here I am- a hypochondriac- and they’re giving me the wrong placebos!
I apologize for a wee bit of crude language above -but honestly- I think I'm only calling a spade a spade.
I actually have all the problems stated above.
Well, not the fire, but the rest!
I'm in okay shape for a 80 year old man.
Unfortunately I'm only 60 and a half!
I am a little inconsistent with nagging minor afflictions.
This is what we get when we grow older.
God bless!
More poems by Micky Dee:
A Tale Of Two Idiots-A Poem By 50 Caliber & Micky Dee
If Mona Lisa Had A Bicycle!
I Sit Here In My Lonely Room
An Ode To Three Possums In The Middle Of The Road
An Ode To Prisoners Of Love!
My Love Loves A Man Who Snores! An Ode To A Snore
Clothes Make The Man-I'm A Fraud!
God, Thank You For Bringing Our Soldier Home!
I Sit Here In My Lonely Room
What Really Made You Cry?
Remembering The Past And Missing You
Labels Are Fables! Trashin' Fashion!
Micky Dee, His Bike, Don Quixote, and Points of Light
Parallel Parking At Eighty Miles An Hour
Romance Noir
Labels Are Fables! Trashin' Fashion!
She'll Follow Me Anywhere! A Poem And A Saxapahaw Bike Ride June 2, 2010
Micky's Dominatrix-And A Tarwheel Saturday Bike Ride May 5, 2010
What Makes My Saddle Sore, Poem & Tarwheels Union Groove To Eflin 5-19-10
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So our prince charmin in big pain? Ah, it is so sad to heard that. God bless you, Micky. You always able to brought a smile in every situation. turned everything bad become something funny. It is really great gift.
Well done! Great poem, funny comics to go along with it. I like!
Epic collection of funny comics... This deserves an upvote AND an awesome vote ;-)
Thanks for creating this hub.
Brilliant Micky except the thought of all your real aches and pains. I hope there is some real medication to help you. Laughter is the best medicine, they say but not if it rips your stitches out. Love you, man Dim x
Micky dear,
Your good nature and sense of humor should cure every pain. Stay away from doctors since they are the ones who turn normal people into hypochondriacs so they can make sure their business is always "healthy" and we are always sick
Yo Sa`ge my Dear! I have magnesia too! "CRS"? I forgot about Prince of Charmin!
Can we not attain,
Unless there is some pain?
I get so sick and tired,
Of being so sick and tired! ~aloha nui loa~
Yo Freya Cesare! You are always so kind. Your heart is beautiful! God bless you Dear!
Thank you very much blark! Happy hubbing!
Howdy AuthorSteve! Thank you Sir!
Dim Flaxenwick- I love you Girl! Don't tell your hubby or cat!
Thank you Petra, my Dear! You always have the wise advice! God bless Petra!
When you wrote, "I have a swollen nut. And a stitch in my gut, And hemorrhoids up my butt," I must tell you I felt a little stabbing pain...
Very witty and fun diatribe. It was that, no? :) Great stuff.
Yo Springboard! I am sorry for that pain! You be careful with that pain! If it gets bad - you know -we all have to stand for something!
There's a con In hypochondriac that no hypodermic needle can fix, when we hype ourselves up to be sicker then we really are, but oh what sweet release when the doc tells us that everything is fine. until the next time some strange bump or pain sets us off on the poor once more.
Loved the cartoons~~~MFB III
MFB!!! Do I look alright? I don't feel well you know! I've had weak back for about a week back! It is always so nice to see the maestro's face over here! God bless brother MFB!
OMG, I truly lmao, this was fantastic, Micky Dee you are hysterical what a great and funny hub, I love this, keep writing my friend, you lift my spirits and everyone else's for that matter...
"There is no known disease casing your symptom bu don't worry,we will create one"...Bro this is the problem facing us today,our leaders create so many sickness for us but whatever be the case, i enjoyed the poem from start to finish.
Hi, Mickey, ha ha I couldn't stop giggling! absolutely brilliant you certainly got the gift of being a great poet! even a very unhealthy one! is there any part of you that doesn't hurt???? okay, don't answer that! lol cheers nell
Yup Micky I would take Petra's advice. Doctors will only overdose you so they can get you hooked on keeping your medicine cabinet full. Remember we are old warriors, so just have to suck it up like a man:0) he he
Look at you guys! All you good folk up above me here!
Thank you Darlene. Everybody needs to send you and your daughter some prayers and good thoughts! God bless you Dear!
Yo Rossi Bro! If we aren't sick just wait until after the next election!!!
Ah! My Sweet Nell Rose! Thank you Dear. I hiked today and found new places that hurt really good!
Saddlerider Dude! I haven't taken a pain med in a years but I took two hydracodones the other day for the first time in that year or so. Just to ride! Oh well!
Very funny poetry... it really captures hypochondria alright!!
Yo! Carolina Muscle! These are real pains I'm imagining! Thank you Sir!
What a way to start the day. Your Hub is so funny it had me rolling on the floor. Great and I truly loved them all. Good job Micky Dee.
I love the cartoons, especially the one about stay away from the pot, it's a dangerous drug. We have a saying in the nursing home: "The further away from a doctor the elderly are, the healthier they will be." In nursing homes, you go in with one ailment, and they will create several more for you. :0)
Too funny! My face is actually hurting from laughing so much. Hmmmm should I see my doctor for that?
Oh ain't it fun to be growin' old Mickey. Very good poem and the part about placebos is pretty much right on.
We used to laugh about going to the local Doc. We would meet others from the clinic, now in the Pharmacy and we would all be getting the same antibiotic. We would talk about our ailments and then conclude that this was the pill of the month. Loved the pics too.
nice lol love the comics, good one mickey d. i think ill stick to the "bad drug" lol than take all them damn pills
I just loved this poetry - you're GOOD - and was preparing to tell you what two of my favorite buddies already did! STAY AWAY FROM DOCTORS. It's the secret of a long and healthy life. - or certainly healthy for as long as it's gonna be anyway.
STAY AWAY FROM DOCTORS was advice I heard a 104 year old woman who still played golf tell Jay Leno (well one of those hosts) - and it echoed what my parents lived by. The best "medicine" is preventative self-help and if one gets in trouble, either find a home cure or use the doctor as little as possible for it.
Of course if you're hell-bent on hurting yourself, well you will need some doctoring. My parents had to make exceptions for my many broken bones as a kid and my eye problems. But as soon as possible we tended to them at home.
I'm not a no-doctor religious fanatic but most of the visits to them people make are superfluous, but doctor-encouraged. I mean - if they're doing their jobs of curing people and/or keeping them well, they just won't have much business or many jobs to do. And all that expensive medical school goes virtually to waste. The student loans don't get paid off. And the life-style that goes-with being a physician down-grades. So - what else can they do but try to build their business?
Question becomes - why do the widows and other aready financially stressed folks have to take up the slack, plus getting sicker in the "bargain"? - I lose the word usely.
hehe
BobbiRant- you are "spot on"! Like these "other" recommendations by docs are OK.
poetvix- if you keep laughing and smiling you face will freeze like that!
Loves To Read- At least that doc was giving you the right placebo heh?
Nikkij504gurl- yeah, let's leave the bad stuff alone!
Hi Nellieanna- I appreciate doctors who care. I've met better ones lately through the VA. I'm not impressed with the bills from them and bills like my mother ran up "over-night" literally to almost $4000. But any hoo- These pains I am imagining seem very real! Thank you Nell! God bless you!
Yes Micky, i like funny better, but i couldn,t help but notice that u had a little political medicaid at the end haha The cartoons were cute too
you know what the hypochondriac had engraved on his head-stone, I told you all that i was sick.
Hey Micky Dee, you made me laugh again! I loved reading this one; it's as good as any medicine - and you can share it too!!!
Good heavens! Your poem was incredible and had me laughing out loud - how true it all is! But the cartoons are too hilarious as well. How ever did you find them all? Marvelous job!!!
Hey Always Exploring! I'm glad you had a good time. Funny is what I always want to do. I have to do what the heart/heart tell me.
Howdy Timothy! I'm glad you had a good laugh.
Thank you akirchner! Now you watch out for those placebos!
God bless!
Well now it could be worse - you could be Mrs. Krantz. (I'm still on the floor with that one!) Your poem is one that should be taken as often as needed thought there may be side effects. My cheeks still hurt! :)))
Micky Dee-this is one of my favorites ever! What amazing and wonderful rhymes!
And the cartoons...have you ever seen "Funny Times?" It's a monthly newsletter that has the same sort of humor-quite black...and MARVELOUS!
Check it out!
SilverGenes- that is so cool! Thank you Dear!
Yo Lorlie!!! Thank you Love! I had a prescription for "Funny Times" years ago. I really miss it. We used to save them and recycle them with friends or read them over.
God bless!
Nothing like a good rhyme scheme and unusual rhymes at that. I thought you did a great job with the humor and wit throughout. Thanks!
Thank you Steele Fields! Watch those placebos now!
Micky - this is simply great! In the spirit of empathy can say "I feel your pain" in all sincerity. Espeically liked this description of my situation: "I have arthritis from head to toe. / And I’m getting really slow." Definitely feel your pain, buddy!
Love and peace
Tony
We all have something Tony. Thank you Sir! God bless!
Howdy cnocera! Thanks for stopping! I'll check it out.
I don't have any mental health problems or physical aches or pains because I cleanse myself and purify myself in the goodness and the greatness of Doctor Dee's hubs - and for that I will live a long life!!!!
God bless you epigramman! May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live!
Funny hub, makes me laugh and smile all at once. Hub up.:)
Thank you very much for coming by hubpageswriter!
Great stuff, I'm still LMAO oh how good this is, great read and so well written. Thanks for the great roll, insane insane again, I love it! Peace dear friend :)
Yo Katie! You feel good- I feel good! Thank you Ma'am!
Had a laugh here Micky - your poetry is great, comics are brilliant and the message is loud and clear - prevention is better than cure!
Let's stomp out hypochondria with the right placebos!
Micky Dee this is one of the funniest hubs to date. From the poem to the drawings, it was great. I especially like the Zetox one, reminds me of the new medications that treat heretofore manageable ailments, with meds that have deadly consequences. I looooooved it.
Great hub Micky Dee. If hypochondria had the right placebos, the pharmas would be out of business. Now that's something to aspire for.
Jewels! Great comment! You put a gleam in me eye!
Hey Fastfreta! You are a delight! Thank you Dear Freta!
Sa`ge 22 months ago
You did slip in under that radar in more ways then one! ha ha ha! I wonder how many trees are in that forest? or how many the cut down, but they did say it was still a forest, right? You think we can go camping there?
But no, all the aches and pains,
it has us in chains,
oh me oh my from my head to me toes,
no one really knows.
now I will bring this to a close.
Have a great day, remember, I know!
but what do I know? ~aloha nui loa~